Why am I not happy? I wanted it that way. I wanted to never see you again, to forget your eyes, your smile, your lips. But it’s not that easy. Now, when you’re away, so far away, that even if I try to find you, I can’t, I feel pain that is eating my soul piece by piece. I got used to the thought that I lost you, I got used to the indifference, I got used even to you being silent, but this is stronger than me. I got used to everything except not seeing you, not hearing your voice, even though your words weren’t for me. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t let you so close to me, so deep inside my heart. I wanted to say so many things to you, but I never was strong enough to face you. I wanted you to know about my feelings, even though you wouldn’t share them. It was important to know!
So much time I was living in dreams, illusions and now?
I feel so confused and most of all helpless. I won’t cry – I won’t have you back that way. You are so far away, I don’t know when you will be back, I don’t know even if you come back will that in my heart still be alive. I just wanted to say that even though I treated you rude, you were THE ONLY ONE for me!!!
I wasn’t able to see anyone but you – my smile, my look, it was all for you!!! Will I be able to forget how my heart was shaking when you looked at me. There is a way, but how am I going to find it when everything reminds me of you. I won’t run, I won’t hide! I will face the pain and I will keep the words that I wanted to say to you in my heart…

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