Със сигурност имаш грешки. При художествен текст разказът винаги е в минало време. В началото използваш неправилно минало продължително време. По-нататък неправилно използваш сегашно перф. вместо минало перф.
Ето моето предложение- ако съм сбъркал нещо, то това е преминаване от минало в перфектно време, трябва да погледнеш специално перфектните времена в моя вариант.

It was Saturday evening.The stars shone, the wind blew and touched soflty my hair. My boyfriend and I had been together since one year and that day was our anniversary.We had decided to go out and spent one night under the sky. I lived in a small house near to a forest. It`s beautiful during the winter!
All day I had been preparing for that night. It was a special night.I cooked something . I remember that I prepared his favourite dish Musaka.He loved Musaka.Anyway, he came to take me out.It was amazing!The sky was clear and I could see all stars , thousand of stars!We posted our blanket and sat down.He took my hand and said he loves me.I started crying of course.A few minutes later I heard something.It was like a baby crying.It was strange.We were in the forest and it was one o`clock.I asked my boyfriend if he have heard something but he said he haven’t.One hour later I heard that cry again and I got scared.My boyfriend was kissing me when I saw behind him a lady in white.There was a baby in her hands.She was with long black hair and her eyes were black too.I screamed.My boyfriend asked me what`s going on and I just put my finger on her.He saw her too.I hugged my boyfriend.My body was trembling.The woman in white whispered something.She asked me to take her baby.I didn`t want to do this and I refused.She became angry.She opened her mouth and it was like a black hole.She started saying a prayer to the Satan and she put her baby on the ground.She just disappeared and I wondered how.I looked at the baby.It was dead!Dead baby covered with blue blanket.I wanted to say something but I couldn`t.My boyfriend`s face was pale.We were afraid.He took my hand and we went away with our hearts beating fast.