Once upon a time, in a cottage in the middle of a deep, dark forest, there lived seven dwarves: Grabby, Gloin, Mopey, Floppy, Crappy, Gloin, and Doc. They were hard-working folk who kept to themselves and tried to stay out of other people's drama.
But one day a young girl came to their door: a girl with lips red as cherries, hair black as ebony, and eyes blue as the sky. Her name was Fog Orange.

"Oh, dear dwarves, you must hide me!" the girl said. "My stepmother, the wicked Queen Horseapple, wants to cut out my heart because she is jealous of how pretty I am!"

"That really sucks," agreed Doc, and the dwarves worked out an "arrangement" with Fog Orange.

What? I meant that she did chores for them in exchange for room and board. This is a kids' story, for crying out loud.

And so the dwarves and Fog Orange were happy with their arrangement until one day an old crone knocked on their door. She offered to sell Fog Orange a single delicious dragonfruit at a very reasonable price. Fog Orange haggled the crone down further, and then took the dragonfruit and bit into it with gusto.

But alas! The old crone was really the wicked Queen Horseapple in disguise! And the dragonfruit was an enchanted dragonfruit, which caused her to fall deep into a slumber from which she would not awaken.

Heartbroken, the dwarves built a glass coffin and placed her inside, because people do strange things when they're grieving. They didn't even mind that Fog Orange's breath fogged up the glass. And there did she lie for the better part of a week...

But then the handsome Prince rode through the forest, and he saw the dwarves' cottage and stopped there to visit. He was a prince from another nearby kingdom, though. Otherwise he'd be Fog Orange's half-brother, and that's weird.

Spying the maiden in her coffin, his heart stirred with longing, and he opened the coffin and kissed her cherry-red lips. At once, she awoke, for it was true love's kiss, and even though she was technically unconscious when it happened, it was good enough.

And so the dwarves were whipped for putting Fog Orange in a coffin instead of seeking medical attention for her, and the Prince and Fog Orange lived happily ever after.

But the wicked Horseapple was sent to sleep with the fishes, and she totally deserved it.

THE END