You may hate pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly when passing schools.

What's the biggest cause of pedophilia in this country?
Sexy kids.

The American police have said they will never forget 9/11. Pretty hard too, I would think, considering it's your phone number!

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

The guy to convince the first blind man he needed sunglasses must have been one hell of a salesman.

When my partner asked me to name all my sexual partners I'd ever had, I had to think back to when I was 16.
I took a couple of minutes to list them off and eventually got to my current girlfriend.
Looking back, that's where I should have stopped.


I was raised a Catholic, and the most annoying thing about going to church was all the standing up, sitting down, and kneeling.
I wish the priest could've just picked a position and ****ed me!

Just bought myself a funny new shirt that says 'I'm with stupid'. I'm going to wear it to work. Sometimes I just love being a special needs carer.

Dating a blind girl is challenging but rewarding. It took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

I bought some viagra the other day and read the instructions on the back, noticing that it said 'Keep Away From Children.'
I thought to myself, "What sort of person do they think I am..."
"...that can't maintain an erection with child?"