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Тъкммо дойдох да си съживя темата. ЙЕЙ!
Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!
Q: What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a pool?
A: Vegetable soup.
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: Why can't Jesus eat m&m's?
A: Because he has holes in his hands.
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles .
Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.
Q: What’s the difference between love and herpes?
A: Love doesn’t last forever.
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?
A: You can drop them off anywhere.
Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards?
A: They like the part where the prostitute gives the money back.
Q: Why do Asian girls have small boobs?
A: Because only A's are acceptable
Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden?
A: Seizure Salad
Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"
Q: Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection. A fake name and a fake number.
Оф, те пък не са всички черен хумор, но нищо. Да има смешки, пък.. :Д
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
Съветника, казва на вожда си:
-Велике вожде, съседното канибалско племе ни обявиха война !
Вождът : - Айде всички тогава да се приготвят за предстоящият банкет.
*GET TO KNOW*
THE UNKNOWN
голямо смешноПървоначално написано от SHPAIdURmeN
Съветника, казва на вожда си:
-Велике вожде, съседното канибалско племе ни обявиха война !
Вождът : - Айде всички тогава да се приготвят за предстоящият банкет.
и к'во ?
*GET TO KNOW*
THE UNKNOWN
таз пък
*GET TO KNOW*
THE UNKNOWN
My girlfriend is into some really strange roleplay when we have sex. She always insists on pretending to be 14 years old.
I don't get why, she'll be 14 in a couple of years anyway.
Best contraceptive: age.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. All I can think is "Damn, that's a pretty big word for a nine year old!"
How do they know Princess Diana had Dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders on the dash board.
What do you get when you cross The Queen and Prince Charles?
Murdered in a tunnel.
What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana's head?
The stereo.
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
The wall was both their last big hit.
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHYYYY!!??". Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
A man goes to the pharmacy and says I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter. The pharmacist says your daughter is sexually active? The dad says no she just lays there like her mother.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower?
I'll talk to you later. I have to catch a plane.
9 out of 11 Americans will get this joke.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
A man is sitting in a hospital room when the doctor walks in. "I have some bad news" says the doctor. "You have Cancer and Alzheimer's." the man laughs and says "Well at least I don't have Cancer!"
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Q: Do you know how to kill 50 flies at once?
A: Hit an african in the face with a shovel.
Q: What do you do after you rape a deaf mute?
A: Break her fingers so she can't tell anybody.
Two men are talking in a bar, and the topic of their family comes up.
The first man says his grandfather was sent to Dachau in 1941 and still had his serial number tattooed on his arm.
To which the other man replied, that his grandfather used to tell him stories about how horrible the conditions at Auschwitz were. He still had nightmares about how cold it was on the night shift in the guard tower.
A friend told me 2/3 people live next to a pedophile. "Not me," I replied, "I live next to 2 smokin' hot ten-year olds.
Живота ти. Ахахах.Искам няк'ви мега бруталните.
Мерси много за опита да ме разсмееш, оценявам го, но беше безуспешен. ;д
Хахахаха, ей тия не ги знаех.. :Д :Д Ама и другите са добри, просто съм ги чувала.
Как Орхан Мурад си подгрява публиката?
- Ръцете горе не ви виждам!
Виждала ли си жената на Орхан Мурад?
- И той не я е.
Как яде Орхан Мурад?
- Като не виждал.
A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.
A homeless man walks up to her.
She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"
He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it."
"Absolutely not! You're disgusting!", she replies.
The man turns and starts walking away.
"Is that all you're going to say? You're not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?"
"I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm!", he says.
One day, I was walking down the road and I saw a black guy holding a T.V, and I was like "Damn! That looks like mine!", so I ran back all the way home and nope, lo and behold, it was still there, shining my shoes.
They say there's safety in numbers. Tell that to six million Jews.
Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could prevent millions of mosquitoes of dying needlessly of AIDS.
Say what you like about these servicemen amputees from Iraq and Afghanistan, but we're going to have a fucking good Paralympic team in 2012.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere
Is your dad in prison? Cos if I was your dad, I'd be in prison
A husband was trying to convince his wife to go fishing with him. He finally says, "fine, you don't have to come if you give me a blow job." So she starts going down on him when she suddenly pulls away and says "You dick tastes like shit!" The husband replies "yeh, the dog didn't want to go either.
A cannibal walks into the clearing his tribe uses for a toilet. He sees his best friend having a shit and crying his eyes out.
"What's wrong with you?" he asks.
His pal looks up at him with watery eyes and asys "I've just dumped my girlfriend.
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a small child? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy "hey mister its getting dark out and I'm scared"
Man "how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone
What do Sarah Palin and the Iron Man suit have in common?
They both had a Downey Junior inside them.
What's the difference between a black man and a tire? A tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.
"It's one of the great tragedies of life — something always changes."
Dr. Gregory House
Before sex, you help each other to get naked, after sex you only dress yourself.
Moral of the story: "In life no one helps you, once you're fucked.
евала
недей го цитира така, че пак ще те покани на по бира
Това ме подсети за;
- Каква е приликата между негъра и велосипеда?
- И двете работят само с верига.
Бяла жена ражда негърче. Като го вижда в ръцете на акушерката, тя казва с усмивка:
– Мъжът ми ще бъде много доволен! Той така обожава черни шегички!
---=|* * *|=---
Турист разглежда африканска държава. Гидът му обяснява:
– В този регион девет от всеки десет жители ядат човешко месо.
– А останалите?
– Те са световни рекордьори по бягане на 100 метра...
---=|* * *|=---
Когато Бог създал човека, не си патентовал изобретението. И сега всеки глупак може да
направи съвсем същото...
---=|* * *|=---
Екзекуция. Напрежение. Палачът вдига брадвата. Осъденият пита:
– Кой ден сме днес?
– Понеделник – отвръща палачът.
– Ега ти каква гадна седмица се задава! – възмущава се осъденият.
*GET TO KNOW*
THE UNKNOWN
С риск съвсем някои хора да ме обявят за изрод, ето малко за Даунита:
I was feeling a little down yesterday...Then the bastards threw me out of the special learning school.
If God didn"t want us to have sex with Down"s Syndrome kids, he wouldn"t have made drool such a great lubricant.
Whats 6 inches long and disturbing? Тhe distance between a downsyndromes eyes.
потекоха ми сълзи
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? You can't take a joke.
What's black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't knit sleeves."
The worst part about being a pedophile is trying to fit in.
Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old.
I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
How are children like cellphones? If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys? Coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Football coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? Warden.
What do you call a fourth grader with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
I was watching a film with my little boy earlier. He said, 'Dad I'm scared, is that woman going to die?'. I said 'Judging on the size of that horses cock, yes'.
My ex girlfriend rang me up to say that she was HIV positive.
The trick is to always act surprised.
How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well certainly not 8 cause my basement is still dark.
What does a silver medalist and a priest have in common?
They both came in a little behind.
Why did the black guy walk into a bar?
Because the cell door was locked.
How do you get a Jewish girls number?
Roll up her sleeve.
What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew?
The boy scout came back from camp.
My uncle died on 9/11. He was on the flight that crashed into the buildings. To me he was an uncle, but to the world, he was a brilliant terrorist.
A husband and wife are getting ready for work. The husband gets out of the shower, still naked walks through the house. His daughter sees him and asks, "Daddy, when will I get one of those between my legs?" He says, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."
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